A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to this Substack

On Letting Your Own Excitement Be Your Guide

The post you’re reading started as a piece for the Sunday Times of London. To commemorate the one-year anniversary of the publication of MORE, they asked me to pitch an essay discussing reactions to my memoir. To make a long story short, I wrote the pitch, it got rejected, and I consoled myself with the idea that I could tweak the piece for my Substack.

But then I didn’t wanna.

Truth be told, I never wanted to write about reactions to my book. (In retrospect, that’s probably why my half-hearted pitch earned a full-hearted rejection.) Living through the reactions felt like enough. And the thing about reactions is this—I may have incited them, but ultimately, they’re not mine at all.

One of the things I’ve learned since MORE hit the scene is to let go of what doesn’t serve me and seek out what excites me most. So rather than slogging through an essay I don’t feel like writing (and really, who wants that!?) here instead is a brief re-cap of the most exciting book-related and non-book-related things that happened in my life this year:

1. Podcasts. I’ve done a bunch. As early as February, hosts asked me if I was sick of doing podcasts, but I truly wasn’t. I’m still not! The thing is, every interview feels different because every time, there is a different person across the table—or on the Zoom. Being a guest on Dan Savage’s Lovecast and Dani Shapiro’s Family Secrets were absolute highlights. But so was my in-person conversation with fellow Brooklynites Brian and Judson on the fabulous newish pod, Dads and Daddies. (Stew and I even went out on a double date with Brian and his husband Toby a few weeks later! Yay to new friends!)

2. Becoming part of the literary community. In September, I got to be the conversation partner for Jessica Waite at the NYC launch of her incredible memoir, The Widow’s Guide to Dead Bastards. I also had the honor of blurbing several upcoming books. (But I now understand why many of the authors I asked to blurb MORE respectfully declined. The requests keep coming and it’s impossible to say yes to everyone!) Still, two of my favorites that I did have time to read are The Motherload by Sarah Hoover and Trying by Chloe Caldwell. As my words on their book jackets will attest, I highly recommend both!

3. Going off Zoloft. While this might not seem sexy enough to make the list, trust me—giving up the anti-anxiety meds I took for almost a decade has been exciting indeed. I didn’t necessarily do this the “right” way. For example, although I tapered my dose gradually from May to August, I never told my doctor I was doing so. And although I cleared my schedule for most of the summer so I could deal with withdrawal symptoms, I planned a trip with my parents which coincided with my first week at zero milligrams. Oops. But boy oh boy, have I learned about myself. To be clear, I’m not advocating that everyone give up their SSRIs, but it was the right choice for me. And although it’s really hard sometimes—like fetal position, half-a-box-of-tissues hard—I’m excited to continue looking underneath my anxiety to see what’s there.

4. Discovering plant medicine. Before you think I’m completely anti-drugs, here’s the full disclosure of why I went off my meds in the first place: I wanted to try mushrooms. Did you know that psilocybin’s effects are tempered by SSRIs? I won’t go into all the details, but suffice it to say, the journey continues.

5. Enjoying the freedom to be fully myself. All the time. With everyone. As a friend of mine told me shortly before MORE’s pub date, “This book coming out is like you’re heading into the spotlight—but without any clothes on.” She was right. Many people had a lot to say about me, my family, and my choices, which led to some personal grappling with anger and shame. But within my own circle of family, friends, and my Brooklyn community, I’ve received nothing but support. Because of this—and because I wrote about the things I was most afraid to tell anyone—I no longer have anything to hide. Which means I have nothing to fear. And the freedom I feel is delicious.

As we enter 2025, my year as a debut memoirist comes to a close, but there are still some exciting developments in my life as a writer. On January 14^th, MORE will be released in paperback, sporting the spiffy line, New York Times Bestseller! That same day, I’ll fly to Sri Lanka to participate in my first international literary festival. On March 1st, I’m teaching my first memoir-writing workshop with the wonderful Writing Co-Lab. What I’m looking forward to most, however, is taking time to work on my next book—a sequel of sorts to MORE but also something altogether different—which continues to morph and evolve both in my mind and on the page. I’ll continue to post to this Substack when I have more than a few words to say, but for a steadier stream of updates, please follow me on Instagram @mollyrwinter. Until then, I wish you all an expansive and joyful 2025.